Thinking of Yesteryear

For the past 24 or so hours I’ve been reminiscing of my 17 year old self which was 60lbs lighter, clearer skin, and much longer hair. I don’t hate myself or my looks right now but I’m not exactly pleased with them either. I’ve been working out and I understand that the weight just won’t disappear but I keep wishing that I would wake up a few pounds lighter each day. I just wanna look and feel like that girl I used to be. My joints hurt, probably from the stress of the weight. I’m always tired, probably because of the amount of weight. No matter how much I dress up, put on makeup or do my nails I still feel sub par. “If you don’t like what you look like then change it.” Yea, I’ve heard that before. But the patience for change is few and far in between. So in the interim I sit and reminisce… of what I used to be…of what I’m waiting and working to become…

My Fancy Feet

So #LaiWrench would not let me lie to my blog followers so here goes! Since my last post was about something about me that I'm not particularly fond of the next post needs to be about something I love. I hope this doesn't sound like a fetish but I love my feet! :) (FYI: Please enjoy this picture of #LaiWrench's feet while you read!)

I have nice feet - pretty feet as a matter of fact. They are are nicely shaped and when I have a fresh pedicure, they're soft and smooth. They don't have a lot of blemishes and discoloring and my nails are nicely shaped as well. During the summer I often take the time to do my own pedicures. I soak my feet, then I buffer my heels, then I shape my nails and cut the claws (lol) and paint them a cute color. I love to show them off in cute sandals and peep toe shoes. I guess I'm done then cause #LaiWrench is policing my blogging experience. Thanks for reading. See ya'll next time :)

J'liv.

Well, hello there...

I can blog!!!!! Technically I should NOT be blogging right now but I don't have enough energy to stay awake in recitation. So we'll scratch this and consider it a fail for the week in my Logic class o_0 Anywho, last semester was pretty crazy. I know my last post was September and it's now January. (such slobbish behavior, I know) But I'm back!! Not that I'm making any promises. I work two jobs, each for 12 hrs during the week, I have a 15 cr. class load, sing in the gospel choir and help out with a bible study. Yeeaa, I'm doing a lot. But it keeps me on my toes. So needless to say I am busy!

Now onto the reason why I stopped blogging in the first place. I had NOT been to the gym. I actually hadn't gone at ALL last semester! (again with the slobbish behavior!) But I came back this semester with goal of going everyday! That worked for the first five days! Yay me, lol! But once classes were underway the gym no longer fit into my schedule. By the time I had finished my day, gotten homework done, changed my clothes and headed back out, the gym would be closed.

But that's not a deterrent for me. I am determined to keep moving in the right direction. So, I am doing the P90x from home. And can I say one thing? #iHurt...bad. The P90x is mostly for you to build muscles so you can be ripped but I'm building muscles so I can burn fat. Most of the fat on me now is from the muscle I used to have so this is good for me. I do need to get more aerobic exercise in but this'll do in the interim. And as for my weight...*drumroll* 225lbs #pow O_O* I gained almost 20 lbs last semester, doing what I don't know! But it's cool. I'm not freaking out; just pressing forward. And as for eating I eat at least TWO meals a day. I was at three but the antibiotic I'm taking makes me nauseous so I eat less and my food choices are more responsible as well. Overall, I'm happy and moving in the right direction and as for my esteem. Well, I'm feeling me...for now...and I think this is going to last for a nice little while :)

PS: I'm going to pick up where I left off with my POA so I'll blog tomorrow!!

J'liv

Let The Thunder (Thighs) Roll!

Well, like most girls my thighs are an issue. Other than the fact that they are the size of a Goodyear blimp, I have plenty of issues with them. Since my thighs are so big, they tend to rub together (ouch!) causing a small brush fire and the subsequent rushing of a fire squad to put it out. Ha! Ok, so I lied there’s no brush fire but MY GOD!, sometimes I wonder if my thighs are attempting to start one. In the morning before I leave I have to LATHER my thighs with lotion and Vaseline. They have to be more than hydrated so I don’t have to deal with chaffing later on in the day. It’s rough on a big girl sometimes…*sigh*

Anyway, another embarrassing part of my thick thighs is that when I wear spanx (actually, I wear a girdle. I’m old fashioned. *blushes*) the fabric makes a swishing sound when I walk. Since I only wear skirts it ALWAYS happens. It’s so embarrassing. I cringe in fear that the people around me can hear that “swish, swish, swish” when I walk. I think it happened once with one of my friends and I laughed it off on the outside but was devastated on the inside.

The last thing about my thunder (BOOM! CRASH! POW!) thighs that I will talk about is how they roll when I walk! *shudders* Lord knows I can’t stand it! If I’m walking really hard or fast they roll REALLY hard actually causing severe pain or whelps on my thighs. I always know when I’ve done too much when my thighs start burning. That just means that later my thighs will be whelped and super sensitive. O_o I also can’t stand when I can’t cross or close my legs because my thighs. Closing my legs is a pure exercise! I have to contract my thigh muscles and keep them clinched. And crossing my legs is a joke. One thigh will not lie on top of the other, causing my legs to slip! (I actually laughed out loud as I typed that. Yes, I can find humor in my situation =D) I usually just give up and cross my legs at my ankles. It’s been a struggle with the thickness of my thighs and my thighs have always been thick, even when I was smaller. But the bigger I become the more of a problem they are.

…So, I guess it’s good I’m losing weight, eh?... =D

Signed,
Chocolate Thunder ;)

"Your Only Inadequacy Is Your Thoughts Of Inadequacy."

“You’re only as inadequate as you feel,” I whispered to myself while riding the shuttle to church this morning. After a bit of a rocky start, I felt myself heading to the down swing while getting ready for church. I knew it was coming since I cringed at a picture someone took of me yesterday. I sincerely tried not to think of myself as hideous but that was a fail. :-/ Oh well, dust yourself off and try again.

So all day I’ve been combating the random thoughts while ducking mirrors, unless necessary, and even then I sigh sadly on the inside and move on. But the thought that popped in my head this morning while riding the shuttle to church remained persistent. “Your only inadequacy is the fact that you think you’re inadequate.” A small jolt went through my brain every time I reminisce on that thought.

According to dictionary.com, inadequate means lacking the quality or quantity required. The only place where I think my inadequacy lies is in my looks. Not my brains or brawn. =D But sometimes I feel like my brains or brawn is not appreciated because of my lack of good looks to compliment them - as though I have depreciated in value because the packaging isn’t aesthetically appeasing to the eye.

But for somebody, somewhere my intelligence, common sense, personality and beauty (yes, beauty!) is MORE than adequate. And that person won’t come until I can see just how much of a transcendental beauty I really am…but until then I’ll keep repeating it until it sinks and I actually believe it…"Your ONLY inadequacy is YOUR thoughts of inadequacy. Your ONLY inadequacy is…”

I’m taking this thing by the horns.

J’liv.

My What Lovelly Lashes You Have!

So keeping up with my POA here's another thing I love about me!! My lashes. I have wonderful ones :) I never really payed any attention to them because I figured everyone has lashes like mine. Apparently I was wrong! I've been told by a number of people they would kill for my lashes. They're long and full. I barely need any mascara and when I do put a lot on it's DRAMATIC :D
Most girls use the lash extensions (which some of them look like bats!)



Others have to use curlers which I've never needed. So yay me! One more beautiful thing to point to my already beautiful self!!

P.O.A Update

I am now officially 210lbs!!! That's a big deal for me. I haven't weighed this since my sophomore year. Although my 210lbs then was a lot more TONED!!!!. But I'm not complaining. I actually weight a little less but I round up to keep me motivated :)

In terms of my workout schedule...it's not existent but according to my doctor I have to change it. I need to work out EVERYDAY for AT LEAST and hour. And 3 to 4 times a week it needs to be hardcore. That was my doctor's response when she looked at my chart and saw I lost about 20lbs since the last item I saw her, which was a year ago. No "good job!" or "go you!" So I will work harder....but I'm starting next week. This week is too hectic...