I Choose Me

“I lied I’m not out of this relationship. I’m in. So in it’s humilitating because here I am begging. Ok here it is. Your choice, it’s simple. Her or me. And I’m sure she’s really great. But Derek I love you. In a really really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.”

After finishing my blog last night the last line of this monologue popped into my head. Any hardcore Grey’s fan knows who said this line (Meridith) and under what circumstances (Derek was deciding between Addison, his wife, and Meridith, the love of his life)it was said. But for some reason my mind was applying it to my “inner” me and I wondered if the “inner” me has been saying this for years. Although it would go more like this…


“I’ve never been out of this relationship. I’ve always been in. So in it’s humiliating because I have been begging you for so long. But your choice is simple Jasmin. That carton of ice cream or me. That boy who doesn’t know your worth or me. I’m sure that ice cream is good and you will have blissful moments with that boy but Jasmin I love you. In a really really big tell you to stop while you engulf your feelings in pastries, quietly tell you to walk away when guys treat you like crap, never leave you no matter what masochistic way that makes me loathe you, love you. So please, pick me, choose me, love me. ”

The reality of this stung a bit for me and had to wonder: Has there been a part of me yearning for my own love?? No matter the answer, everyday, I MUST choose me. :)

"Thou Shalt Not Lie"...except?

So after watching the most nerve-racking Grey's Anatomy ever I am left emotional drained and wondering...Is it ever o.k. to lie and if so, when? For those of you who haven't watched the season finale this may be a bit of a **spoiler**.

With a crazed gun man running through the hospital, Dr. Shepard decides to put the hospital on lock-down, confining everyone in the hospital to the floors that they're on. Of course, the gun man isn't stopped by this and is running through the hospital shooting people left and right. He makes it to the floor that Miranda and Percy are on and despite the fact that they have hidden, he pulls them out of their hiding spots and asks them a simple question; "Are you a surgeon?" Percy, whom he asked first, replied honestly and then was shot. When he asked Miranda she lied and said that she was a nurse. The gunman then apologized for the bloody mess and then walked away. Percy died by the end of the show while Miranda cradled his head telling him that he was brave and calling herself a coward for lying.

In my opinion, this white lie isn't bad. Now don't get it twisted, I don't condone lying! But in a situation similar to this, one can't help but wonder about that commandment..."thou shalt not lie." When God sent Moses down with those tablets did he have exceptions to the rule? Does he make allowances for moments like these?? I wonder? I grew up with the notion that if you sinned you didn't make it to Heaven. So, if she lied and then he shot her point blank in the head after, would God turn her away??? This is something I'm trying to wrap my head around but I'm too exhausted to think. This blog could be soo much longer but I'll stop here. Tell me your thoughts...