For the esteem part of my P.O.A, I'm going to talk about the facial hair (as the bad) and my smile (as the good). So every woman's fear is facial hair in places it doesn't belong. (i.e. the chin, the upper lip, etc) For example my roommate freaked out when she found stray hairs on her chin and proclaimed she had a beard. I stood there rubbing my chin wondering what it would be like to ONLY freak out over a few scattered hairs.
What causes the growth of my facial hair? Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I remember learning around age 10 that I had it. And I was heartbroken. Imagine learning at a young age that you probably won't be able to have kids and that your weight gain is due to an incurable ailment. (I had an awesome childhood) I spent most of my early years going to doctors and specialists and my self esteem was shot. I ballooned up to about 250lbs and had a full beard and mustache while the guys my age were struggling to get whiskers.
What made it worse was that the hair was stubborn. We tried a home waxing kit that didn't work well at all. So I had the conversation with my dad that every young man has with their father. I learned how to shave. At first I used my father's shaving gel and aftershave to keep from getting ingrown hairs. Then my mom bought me shaving gel for women and tea tree oil to put on my face after. Even though I could no longer see the hair in the mirror I knew it was there because I could feel the stubble. At that point I threw out the possibility of me getting married. No man wants to shave with his wife in the morning.(sigh)
But while in college I tried waxing again. Most places don't chins and lips and if they did, they all of the sudden didn't because of the amount of hair on my face. But there's a place in NJ called,Hello Gorgeous,that did. My best friend booked the appt. (since she lives there)and encouraged my to give it a try. After years of shaving my facial hair had only become more stubborn and thicker. But I figured, "What the hay? It'll just be another failed attempt." Armed with my razor, shaving gel and lack of faith I headed to NJ for yet another attempt. And surprisingly, they got ALL the hair off my face. I could've cried when I saw my bare chin and subsequently was able to run my hand against it without feeling stubble. Never in a million years did I think I would be privileged to that sensation. And yet I was.
But keeping with my realistic attitude I decided that I should wait on my rejoicing and see how long it lasted. The woman said it should last for two weeks. I didn't think it would make it. And I was right. It only made one week but that one week was awesome. I NEVER let anyone put their hands on my face because if they didn't know I had facial hair before they would know then. The crowning moment happened in the latter half of the following at my church conference. Someone grabbed my chin and kissed my cheek. Of course, from years of having facial hair, I jerked back with terror. He was the last person I wanted knowing that I was a faux man. Mid kiss I realized that there wasn't any hair on my face but of course, just to make sure, I slipped my hand across my chin while holding my breath. No hair.
You may not understand just how much that moment meant to me. But it meant so much. For the first time I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. All I need to do now is find a place in Pittsburgh or D.C. that does a good job with hair removal. I tried a place near campus and the woman gave up. I saluted her on her attempt and went home to shave after.
I can't end this blog without a resolution for my facial hair. I will say this. I need to find out what kind of wax they used and see what places use it near me. Once I've found that out I need to set aside money every month so that I can get it done. Waxing thins out hair, hopefully this rings true for my facial hair. Since this blog is so long I will dedicate tomorrow's blog to my smile. =D
Thanks for reading,
J'liv
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