“I lied I’m not out of this relationship. I’m in. So in it’s humilitating because here I am begging. Ok here it is. Your choice, it’s simple. Her or me. And I’m sure she’s really great. But Derek I love you. In a really really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.”
After finishing my blog last night the last line of this monologue popped into my head. Any hardcore Grey’s fan knows who said this line (Meridith) and under what circumstances (Derek was deciding between Addison, his wife, and Meridith, the love of his life)it was said. But for some reason my mind was applying it to my “inner” me and I wondered if the “inner” me has been saying this for years. Although it would go more like this…
“I’ve never been out of this relationship. I’ve always been in. So in it’s humiliating because I have been begging you for so long. But your choice is simple Jasmin. That carton of ice cream or me. That boy who doesn’t know your worth or me. I’m sure that ice cream is good and you will have blissful moments with that boy but Jasmin I love you. In a really really big tell you to stop while you engulf your feelings in pastries, quietly tell you to walk away when guys treat you like crap, never leave you no matter what masochistic way that makes me loathe you, love you. So please, pick me, choose me, love me. ”
The reality of this stung a bit for me and had to wonder: Has there been a part of me yearning for my own love?? No matter the answer, everyday, I MUST choose me. :)
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