Thinking of Yesteryear

For the past 24 or so hours I’ve been reminiscing of my 17 year old self which was 60lbs lighter, clearer skin, and much longer hair. I don’t hate myself or my looks right now but I’m not exactly pleased with them either. I’ve been working out and I understand that the weight just won’t disappear but I keep wishing that I would wake up a few pounds lighter each day. I just wanna look and feel like that girl I used to be. My joints hurt, probably from the stress of the weight. I’m always tired, probably because of the amount of weight. No matter how much I dress up, put on makeup or do my nails I still feel sub par. “If you don’t like what you look like then change it.” Yea, I’ve heard that before. But the patience for change is few and far in between. So in the interim I sit and reminisce… of what I used to be…of what I’m waiting and working to become…

P.O.A Update

I am now officially 210lbs!!! That's a big deal for me. I haven't weighed this since my sophomore year. Although my 210lbs then was a lot more TONED!!!!. But I'm not complaining. I actually weight a little less but I round up to keep me motivated :)

In terms of my workout schedule...it's not existent but according to my doctor I have to change it. I need to work out EVERYDAY for AT LEAST and hour. And 3 to 4 times a week it needs to be hardcore. That was my doctor's response when she looked at my chart and saw I lost about 20lbs since the last item I saw her, which was a year ago. No "good job!" or "go you!" So I will work harder....but I'm starting next week. This week is too hectic...

Assessing the Damage

Long time, no blog. As I said in my previous blog I would have scattered blogs throughout the month. Unfortunately I didn’t blog at all. Things were waaay busier than anticipated but I’m back now.

The past three weeks were spent prepping for (week one), attending (week two), and recouping (week three) from my church convocation. Why did it take a week of prep? Well I had to pack whatever clothes I had that were available and acceptable for a church conference and then drive home to pack all of my “church” clothes. I don’t dress up for church here in Pittsburgh (A jean skirt and a nice shirt do the trick) so all of my church attire was at home in my closet.
At first I was depressed. Weighing 215lbs (which is 15lbs less than last year) I didn’t think that I would be able to fit any of my clothes back home. Last year, I had piece together my work clothes because I couldn’t fit ANY of my suits. So I began to wonder what in the world would I wear! Then I found out that I had to wear black and white the first two nights. Immediately my heart sunk because I knew I didn’t have any black and white that fit me properly. Saddened, I threw stuff in my suitcase and headed home.

Once home, the reality of my broktitude hit me. (yes, I made up a word) I had NO money to buy new anything. To put it in perspective, I was either going to spend my money on clothes or save it so I could eat the next week. Obviously I chose to eat. Looking through my closet FULL of suits that range from a size 14 to an 18 I began to pick out what I thought I could wear. And that left me with two suits.
While trying to hide my disappointment my mother and I took out everything black and white or all white. I looked at the array of suits sprawled across my bed and began to try each suit on as per my mother’s instruction. And you know what? I GOT IN THEM!!!

Shocked, I continued trying on suit after suit and thanked God for every success and smiled through every failed attempt. Apparently 15lbs makes a WORLD of a difference. Enthralled, my mother and I took the suits I could wear, which ended up being enough for the week, and dropped them off at the cleaners. By the end of the week I was packed, excited and armed with my two best friends!

The week of convocation went by expediently slow. (yes, think about it) I was a bit apprehensive once it got underway because every year I eat and eat and eat and come home 5 to 10lbs heavier. With such jam packed days and so little time to spare, my friends (whom I usually see once a year) and I decide to go out to eat almost every night. And when I go out, I EAT. And what’s worse is that sometimes we don’t eat until 2 or 3 in the morning and then we go straight to bed right after. (Talk about begging for extra poundage.)

I didn’t have the time or capacity to care about what I was shoving in my mouth or at what time. All I knew is that I was hungry and the box of apple turnovers in my room was available, as well as the chocolate chip cookies, the apple fritters, the frappuccinos, the boxes of chicken and the honey glazed biscuits. (Church’s chicken is my new guilty pleasure)And to top it all off, my plan to exercise everyday went out the window. After such emotionally and physically draining days all I wanted to do was sleep and if anything other than God cut into my sleep time we would then have a SERIOUS problem. I figured I’d just deal with the consequences once the week was over.

Now my recoup week is usually spent catching up on sleep, putting my body back on a God approved sleep schedule, and assessing the damage of my eating habits coupled with my lack of physicality. Instead, I spent the week more or less maintaining the crazy hours I keep during my convocation week, eating to my heart’s desire and lying in bed from exhaustion. I put off weighing myself until Friday. I couldn’t bear to see the results of my recklessness.

But Friday came. And I weighed myself. And surprisingly…I DIDN’T GAIN A POUND!...nor did I lose. Breathing a sigh of relief, I decided that I would start my weight loss efforts Sunday. (If you haven’t been able to tell by now I am a serious procrastinator) So now it’s Sunday and I’ve maintained the good feeling I’ve had about me that was mentioned in my last blog. I still plan to carry out my P.O.A. but since this blog is so long I’ll start tomorrow ;-)

See ya on the flip!

J’liv